Summer days

My best friend and I still sometimes like to joke about the time when, on our last day of summer vacation before my junior year of high school, I spent half the afternoon crying my eyes out on the floor of the living room in my parents house because summer was over and, woefully, I had just reached the conclusion that I hadn't done a single noteworthy thing in that entire three month span. I woke up one morning with that whole promising vacation stretching out before me into a vast unknown, and then suddenly, school is starting the very next day! What on earth was I to do? "Why don't you go see a movie?" my mom helpfully suggested.

"Nooo," I wailed, as she and my friend exchanged wondering glances behind barely suppressed laughter. "Summer is over! And I didn't DO anything!"

Oh, brother. So melodramatic, I'm able to admit now. And yet....here lately I've found myself gripped by that same sense of urgency, a panic of sorts that the last blazing embers of summer will slowly die out and I'll be left without even the vaguest recollection of it's warmth. Obviously, a simple glimpse back through my blog archives will prove to me how much we as a family really have done and accomplished over the summer, but nevertheless, I've been trying these past two weeks to hold off the inevitable winds of change, packing as much as I can into these final weeks of freedom before embarking upon an entirely new trail of uncharted--and frankly, quite terrifying-- territory.

I think I'm ready for school to start. On the surface, anyway. Our final curriculum order was delivered today, the schoolroom shelves are supplied with an intoxicatingly fragrant collection of brand new wooden pencils, brightly colored rubber erasers, crisp pocket folders, reams of lined paper, and books, books, books. (Please, somebody tell me I'm not the only one who loves the smell of brand new school supplies.) But honestly: when I think about actually having to pull it all together day after day after day...I am scared senseless. Suddenly, all my careful planning doesn't matter one whit, because I am clearly just not up to the task of bearing the entire weight of the enormous responsibility I carry on my shoulders as the primary educator of my children. Why did I think I could do this?! (Actually, these brief moments of self derision are thankfully few and far between, but gaining frequency as the "Big Day" rapidly approaches.)

So I'm employing the best tactic I know of to keep from going too crazy; namely, distraction. Not only does it keep my mind occupied in the now, but it also helps to ensure that there will be no question in the days ahead as to what we "did" this summer. It's been quite pleasantly overcast here these past couple of weeks, so the kids and I have been playing out in the yard more. I took them swimming at my brother's house recently, and was quite proud of myself for managing all three kids without Darren. We went to a cookout at my grandparents house, enjoying the company of many aunts, uncles, and cousins seen too infrequently. I read Harry Potter AND Mom to Mom, Day to Day. I loved them both. I've been a cleaning fiend, attacking nightstand drawers and bathroom cabinets with a fervor usually reserved for either a new baby or expected company; in this case, neither...just an overwhelming desire to have all things "perfect" by the time we start our school year.

Today was particularly lovely. Heavy thunderstorms lingered for much of the day, providing the perfect ambiance for some simple baking. We made two loaves of zucchini bread with squash from our garden, and, while I didn't place too much hope in actually attaining edible treats (having seriously deviated from the recipe when I realized I didn't have exactly the right ingredients, after all), I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were really quite... well, delicious. Yay! We also made a second batch of Puppy Chow this afternoon, which Matilda linked to in a recent post. This stuff is so good. Seriously, you have to try it! (We made some for the first time last night, after dinner, but it was long gone by mid-morning today.)

I had the opportunity to head out in the rain with my camera while the kids were eating lunch. It was beautiful, so fresh and clean and cool and invigorating. I'll close with one of my favorite photos from today. We're leaving for a weekend trip tomorrow when Darren gets home from work, and I am so excited! We'll be visiting not only my brother's family (!!!), but also my cousin and her two daughters, who will be in town for the weekend. Great times await us! I'm so eager to get going. When we get back, I'll have to seriously map out the coming weeks and months. Here's my chance for one last summer bash; crying on the floor at this age just wouldn't be dignified!

5 Things I Love About Jesus Meme

It was such a pleasure to read Celeste's beautiful responses to this meme, and such an honor to have been tagged for my own. This was actually much more difficult than I imagined it might be, but such a wonderful opportunity for quiet reflection. It was hard to narrow it down, but here are five of the things I love most about Jesus:

1. His incarnation. He loved us so much that he was born as one of us. He lived among us. He suffered and rejoiced with us. He taught us. He died for us! For me! For love of us, He endured the agony of the cross. I weep to imagine His Passion.

2. His humility. He knew neither fame nor riches during His life on earth. He was an obedient Son and humble servant. He taught us by His example how to truly and selflessly serve others. He personally took on the lowly task of washing the feet of His disciples!

3. His authority. He taught with unwavering conviction. He gave us his commandments. He is the way and the truth and the life. Through Him, we have the assurance of our place in His Father's kingdom.

4. His forgiveness. Not only did He forgive during His lifetime, telling us "the Son of man has authority on earth to forgive sins" (Matt. 9:6), but He also gave His apostles and their successors the authority to carry on this forgiveness through the sacrament of Reconciliation. He knew that even long after His death, people would still be sinning!

5. His Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist. Though it is a mystery my mortal mind will never comprehend, I trust with faith that I receive in communion the actual body and blood of Christ. "Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word, and I shall be healed." How awesome!

Now, Nicole, I know you're a very busy Mama, but if you ever have the time, I'd love to hear five things you love about Jesus!

Friends in the kitchen

I've often longed to be included in one of those charming and comfortable friendships, calling to mind a bygone era, in which Mommies are able to gather together in their quaint kitchens, sipping coffee and swapping recipes, the tantalizing scent of fresh baked bread wafting through the air as their children play happily nearby.

What?

It could happen.

Just not in this life that I'm living right now. Not anytime soon, anyway. But in the meantime...

I am honored and thrilled to have been invited by Celeste, one of my very best and dearest blogging buddies, to join a new food blog that she has created. (Along with Robin and Michele, two of her real life friends who I would also love to someday meet beyond the walls of this virtual world!) I hope that you will stop by and visit all of us at Mixing Bowls and Measuring Spoons, because a crowded kitchen is a cozy kitchen! I've added a link in my sidebar; just click the picture to enter!

Last flight

I was absentmindedly gazing out the side window of our van on our way home from dinner yesterday evening as we approached a stop sign near our house. Just as Darren pulled into the intersection, a flash of orange caught my eye, and I turned to see what I initially perceived as a small leaf dancing along the surface of the asphalt. As we rounded the corner, however, I recognized the delicate form for what it actually was and cried out to Darren, "Wait! I think that was a wounded butterfly back there!" Without a moment of hesitation, he quickly executed a perfect U-turn and pulled over to the curb. As he stepped out of the van, I slid over to the driver's seat and watched in the rear view mirror as he bent down to gently retrieve the still form lying in the road. Watching him make his way back to the open door of the passenger's side, I hardly dared ask the question, forming the words in scarcely more than a whisper: "Is she...D-E-A-D?"

"No, no, she's hurt, but she's still alive," Darren assured me. "Let's take her home so she can rest in our garden." Neither of us, it seems, could bear the thought of the alternative.

Arriving home, we went straight through the house to the back door and out to the garden, where we carefully set the regal Queen on a pretty Shasta Daisy near the border of the flower bed. (We wondered at first if she was a Monarch, but as she didn't seem to quite match the description, we checked our resources and found that she was actually a local cousin.)

Our kids gathered around to have a closer look at the pathetically beautiful butterfly they had helped rescue, but when small hands threatened to further damage the already beaten wings, we nestled her deeper into the garden, among the dainty buds of the Oregano. I watched her closely while the children played in the yard and busy bees buzzed nearby, but as darkness fell, I knew we'd have to go in. With a long last glance back, I ushered the kids into the house and got them ready for bed, thinking, all the while, of the fragile beauty left sadly behind in the garden.

A quick peek this morning revealed no sign of her, but Darren just came in from the yard, where he had discovered her lifeless form lying beneath the plants. Even in death she is beautiful, but I'm glad that, however briefly, we were blessed to be touched by her life.

Monday Morning

I'm feeling a bit melancholy this morning. I'm sure it has much to do with waking up and finding myself at "that time of the month". I had already determined from my diligent NFP charting that it was probably inevitable, but still. How I long to see that prolonged elevated temperature pattern! But for now I sit, dejected and forlorn, sipping a cup of coffee in this quiet early hour without even the pleasure of creamer, because I finished off the last container of my favorite variety yesterday and never made it to the store to replenish my supply. Sigh.

You know what else is making me feel a little sad? Dylan has a loose tooth. His very first one! But wasn't it just yesterday that we joyously saw that first hint of white peeking through his tender, swollen gums? I don't recall ever giving him permission to grow up so heartbreakingly fast! Must time keep marching so mercilessly forth? Can't we just slow it down a little?
Meghan, my precocious little sweetheart, is less and less a "baby" these days and more and more a "big girl". She runs around in ponytails and dresses, chubby legs adorned with bruises and ink drawings because she is just so gosh darn curious! I am forever finding her up on top of tables, cabinets, bar stools, chairs...The other day, I heard her plaintive little voice crying out "Mama!". And where do I find her? On top of the dresser in the kids' bedroom closet, wedged beneath the shelf above it, peering out at me with a perplexed expression on her face. I can't begin to imagine how she got herself up there to begin with, and apparently, she had no idea of how she was going to get down! Stunned, I stood for a moment and just stared, then burst out laughing and scooped her into my arms to cover her in kisses. (Of course, I sort of wish now that I had run to get the camera first!)

And oooohhhh, that Caitlyn. Such an independent princess! It seems sometimes that I can actually see her growing and maturing, and it is the most remarkable thing in the world. I can hardly believe she is going to be four in just three short months. I still sort of think of Dylan as being four years old, because it was such a fun and special year for him, and because I am just not ready to accept the fact that he is going to be six in September! (What about five, you wonder? This year has just flown by way too fast. I forget he is five. Honestly! But when I think about it, this has been a really great year for him, too.) But Caitlyn. Four! She is quickly becoming such a sweet little companion, a real treasure and a joy to have as a daughter. I really do love the age she's at now, able and eager to help around the house and happy to participate in all that we do as a family. She is so much fun to take along on quick trips to the store, keeping up a continuous stream of happy chatter for the duration of the entire ride. I love to hear the things she comes up with, the way her mind works when she's apart from the dominating presence of her older brother and the demanding presence of her baby sister!

I'm gathering my blessings close to me this morning. They're just beginning to stir, and I can't wait for those first hugs and kisses! Even without the creamer, it's looking like this is going to be a really good day, after all.

Same Blog, New Look

You know, I've heard it said that tattoos and body piercings are both highly addictive. I wouldn't really know, seeing as how I've never experienced either. (Well, with the exception of having my ears pierced when I was five years old.) But I think I've discovered that the same theory must apply to blog template design! Oh. My. Gosh. It took me nearly a year before I ever worked up the courage to deviate from my original blog layout. Would you believe I'm now on my third change in two months?! I think I like it. I'm pretty sure I'll keep it.

For at least another week or so... :)