Lenten Activities

I saw this darling Lamb of God idea last night and fell instantly in love. (Actually, I saw it first at Waltzing Matilda and thought it was just unbelievably cute and clever!) I showed it Darren, gathered some poster board and markers, and then, in the time it took for me to search Google Images for a sweet lamb to use as our guide, Darren just independently sketched this adorable little guy! Dylan traced over the outline with marker and added all the wording and other details, and I lightly penciled in a box for every day until Easter. Meghan had the priviledge of adding the first fluffy cotton ball, and then we hung our poster in our living room where we can enjoy it all day long. Caitlyn added another cotton ball this morning, and Dylan will have his turn tomorrow. Too cute!

We also prepared our Easter basket for Jesus last night, reviewing the guidelines we established last year: for every act of love and/or selflessness that the kids perform, one Easter egg cut from card stock will be added to our basket. We can't wait to see how full we can make it this year!

Our Stations of the Cross are again adorning our hallway walls, and this year we also have a Stations of the Cross book that I bought last summer which we'll use to go along with them. I imagine that Friday evenings will again be devoted to this activity; we enjoyed it a lot last year and look forward to implementing the practice again this Lent.

I thought I would do so much more to prepare for Lent this year, but I think it's probably better that we're keeping it simple and familiar. The activities we've chosen are, I think, well suited for our young family, and by not trying to incorporate too many new traditions I feel much less stressed and more at peace as we embark upon this Lenten journey. It is this quiet that I need to really search my heart, to prepare my soul, to ready myself for Easter. Because I still feel so inadequate. So unworthy. So undeserving of Christ's sacrifice. I see myself for the wretch I am. I pray for the grace to change.

Fat Tuesday

Today was supposed to be perfect. Chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast...

...followed by some cute little Mardi Gras mask crafts before lunch.

Well. As you can see, Dylan and Meghan had a great time with theirs. Unfortunately, this is pretty much how Caitlyn spent the remainder of her day:


My kids have all been battling a bad case of the flu, beginning with Meghan, progressing to Dylan, and now finally on to Caitlyn. She, in particular, has been having a very rough go of it (crying even in her sleep) and today I was unable to keep her temperature below 102 degrees despite repeated doses of Tylenol and a bath. She woke up from her nap only to fall asleep again on the living room sofa, and, despite the high volume of Dylan and Meghan's boisterous play, she slept until just a few minutes before Darren's return home from work tonight. Happily, she was feeling a little better, well enough even for a little dinner, and she was able to enjoy a serving of the traditional King Cake I made today. (Here you can also see the mask she made earlier, the blue one on the left, that I was never able to photograph her with.) Despite having slept most of the day, she went to sleep easily again tonight (as did Dylan and Meghan, who never did have naps today), and I can only pray that she is doing much better tomorrow.


I can't believe that Ash Wednesday is already upon us. I struggle to ready my heart for the coming days of Lent; my selfish tendencies are a beast to tame. Perhaps it's be a blessing that my children have all fallen ill right now, when I am most seeking to expand myself? I would, after all, serve them--as I should Him--with my very life. "Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me."

Nice things

I was scouring the classified ads in Friday's paper to see whether there were any potentially wonderful yard sales being held this weekend. Knowing full well that all the best stuff disappears fast, this was, perhaps, stubbornly optimistic on my part, given the fact that I had to work all night Friday and most sales in our area begin at seven or eight a.m. on Saturday morning. I wouldn't even be home until around 8:30, but I decided there was no harm in checking, just in case. Imagine my delight when I saw an ad that practically leapt off the page at me: "OVERFLOWING! Exersaucer, maternity clothes, lots of girls clothes size 0-4T, too many items to list! Saturday 9a.m., no early birds please!" Whoa! Was I in luck, or what?! I asked Darren to please have the kids ready when I got home from work, and before leaving the hospital I picked up muffins and cookies for the kids to eat in the van as a special treat. We headed across town to the specified address, but, at first glance, my high hopes began to slowly deflate as I realized that there were already lots of cars parked in the street and the displayed selections seemed slim. As I started looking, however, I couldn't hide my glee at finding several cute dresses for the girls, a practically-new pair of shoes for Caitlyn, a Wiggles puzzle for Dylan, AND, if you can believe this...diapers! Lots and lots of soft cloth diapers! Two large boxes full of assorted sizes, plus a number of vinyl pull on covers.

Now, I haven't really mentioned here (or anywhere, really) that I've been giving considerable thought lately to cloth diapering our next baby. Probably this silence has been out of fear of adding more fuel to the already raging "Melissa is crazy" fire held widely by several family members and sparked first by our thoughts on procreating, bed sharing, baby wearing, extended breastfeeding, homeschooling, and other such non-mainstream practices. But anyway, now I've said it: we're thinking of cloth diapering our next baby! Our reasons are many, but I think the first seed of an idea was planted in my mind by this beautiful post written by an equally beautiful and much admired woman. (Who knew that diapering a baby could be such a lovely experience?!) She really opened my eyes to an entirely new and different perspective, and for that I am grateful. It was a while before I gave much more thought to the idea, but lately I've been noticing more mommies blogging about cloth diapering and I realized that this really could be an option for us! That is, until I started pricing them online. Wow. I was shocked to see how expensive these things can be! (As much as seventeen dollars for one diaper!) With a few simple calculations, I realized that it would actually be much more costly to choose cloth over disposables. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that this was just not going to work for us, but accepted the defeat with a twinge of sadness and disappointment. And then these were most unexpectedly made available to us through that wonderful yard sale! Nine dozen diapers in three different sizes and three dozen covers for only thirty dollars! I am overjoyed. I look at them longingly and just can't wait to hold our new baby in my arms!

Oh, and also found at that same sale and certainly worth mentioning here: nine short sleeved Motherhood nursing tops! Perfect for summer and snuggling up with my newest little nursling! Did I already say that I can barely wait?! I'm giddy at the thought of her impending arrival! Fourteen more weeks just seems interminably long. Time speed, please!

And lastly, though this has nothing whatsoever to do with this post, I am absolutely astounded by the exquisiteness of these eager little hyacinths just emerging from the cold earth of our front bed. Aren't they sweet? They are a lovely reminder that spring really isn't too far off, and maybe May 11th really will be here sooner than I think!

Back for good

My children are being so very considerate of their poor tired mommy this morning. I went to a 5:30 meeting at work last night and ended up staying to help until after midnight because they were just so busy. It was crazy there, much more chaotic than I've seen it in a very long while. I was glad to help...and time and a half pay is always nice, too. :) But having had no nap yesterday, I am seriously dragging this morning. Dylan and Caitlyn were apparently up before Darren left for work at around 6:20 this morning, but Meghan and I slept in together until 8:00! During that time I was vaguely aware of the sound of our big dress-up box being dragged out of the front closet and rummaged through while PBS Kids played quietly in the background. Caitlyn finally came to me when she needed help with a too-small costume, and Dylan seized the opportunity for some snuggle time with me in the "big bed", which in turn woke Meggie, who was all smiles and laughter the moment she opened her eyes. What a nice way to ease into the day!

And I'm just feeling so much better in general. Receiving such wonderfully warm comments (as well as some really sweet phone calls!) in response to my last post was tremendously helpful. Thank you, all of you, so much! Really. You all are amazing. I feel so much better just knowing that I am not alone in my frustrations, that others are feeling or going through many of the same things as I am. I feel much more optimistic now, too, about many of the things with which I was struggling...and wow, I honestly don't mean to sound so cryptic or mysterious but seriously, they felt like such personal things that it just didn't seem right to share them here. Suffice it to say that I am much happier now, and more at peace, than I have been these past few weeks. I'm feeling much more goal oriented, too, which always helps. There are few things I hate more than feeling like I am just trudging aimlessly through my days. I do ever so much better when I have a sense of direction or purpose to work towards. And I imagine that's probably true for all of us, but sometimes I forget. With renewed optimism and focused plans for my immediate future, though, I feel as though the dark and heavy clouds have lifted and I am finally able to see clearly again. I'm nearly blinded by the brilliance of the light.

Gone too long

I try, for the most part, to keep this blog happy. Fun. Upbeat. But I can't force the feelings. When I try too hard it just feels fake, and that's not what I'm about. So I guess that's why I've been away for a while. Because lately, I just don't feel any of those things. More accurately, I'd describe myself as an overwhelmed, stressed out, mildly panicked wreck, teetering on the brink of complete burn out. And exhaustion. Which is not to say that there have not been bright happy moments in this long stretch of darkness. There have...but I would dare to say that the bad days have far outnumbered the good. So I've been doing lots of soul searching and deep thinking these past several days, and praying. And trying to rest more, both in mind and spirit.

I thought maybe today would be the day I could finally return in peace to my blog.

I guess I was wrong.

Sigh.

I miss you all.

About finding out

Now that I've had a few days to get my mind around the idea of another little girl! in our family, I've begun to fully embrace the sweetness and beauty her presence will bring to our lives. But I have to say (because I'm all about keeping it real here) that when we first found out? I sort of felt gut punched. A girl. But we already have two of those! I'll admit now that I had been secretly (or maybe not so secretly) hoping for another little boy, a baby of the rough and tumble sort to be a playmate and companion to Dylan.

His own disappointment at the news of another sister was clearly visible on his sad, stoic face, and I remembered the bitter tears of resentment I cried when my own little brother was born when I was six. I had been so hoping for a sister! It wasn't fair! I didn't need another brother! But God, in His infinite wisdom, knew far better than me what I actually needed, and the baby boy I bewailed all those years ago grew with time into a fine young man who is now the godfather of my own sweet son. (And really, he was a much better friend to me than any sister would have been.)

Now again, God has proved His goodness in the miracle of this small, sweet girl, a baby already much loved by her sisters and brother and mommy and daddy. I can't imagine now that I ever wanted another boy! Three little girls! What a joy and a blessing! My heart smiles to imagine them all together as they grow older.

And my little man? I'm not so much worried about him anymore. He's got a heart so big that it's already recovered and embraced the reality of another little sister. And far from having the presence of other boys in his life, he is surrounded by strong, positive male influences in the forms of his daddy, his grandpa, his uncles, his priests, his CCD teacher...and playmates including his cousins, his friends from CCD, the nice home schooled boy down the street, the ever so polite and imaginative son of my friend, and, as he grows, I know there will be many more. And tell me: if this picture he drew yesterday is credible evidence, wouldn't you agree that he is definitely a boy quite secure in his status as reigning knight in this household? :)